I read this immediately after a conversation with someone “went South” quickly even though it started out so well. I find it difficult to discern when to just be quiet and when silence is co-option into avoidance. I'm guessing I lack the skills to navigate difficult conversations despite good intentions to just be kind.
This is such a timely and useful point, Jane. Thank you for making it here. Skill in this case is just about practice. But that critical ability to notice what happened is a huge step. I often have clients that ask “But what do I do in the moment?” I tell them the 3rd tenet of 360° Kindness. Kindness causes clarity. Skill is just noticing which foot to put in front of the other. When we practice kindness to ourselves (within) we do not give away the ‘feeling’ for anything. This helps us ‘be there’ in the moment and if conversations ‘go south’, we do a post mortem if we want to, and see where we lost the plot. If ‘we’ didn’t lose the plot and the other person did, there was nothing we could have done about that anyway.
Truth-bomb right here: "Because stress isn’t what happens to us. It’s what happens when we protect our heart from what happens to us."
Returning to your breath is absolutely a powerful practice, helping us to center, respond rather than react, etc. So, too, however are all our lifestyle choices--ala Bronce Rice's Wellness Trifecta.
(I can attest that after powder skiing my brains out the last two days (intense physical activity, sunshine, friends, etc.) has me in a state of semi-euphoria, where kindness feels like the only option.)
I read this immediately after a conversation with someone “went South” quickly even though it started out so well. I find it difficult to discern when to just be quiet and when silence is co-option into avoidance. I'm guessing I lack the skills to navigate difficult conversations despite good intentions to just be kind.
This is such a timely and useful point, Jane. Thank you for making it here. Skill in this case is just about practice. But that critical ability to notice what happened is a huge step. I often have clients that ask “But what do I do in the moment?” I tell them the 3rd tenet of 360° Kindness. Kindness causes clarity. Skill is just noticing which foot to put in front of the other. When we practice kindness to ourselves (within) we do not give away the ‘feeling’ for anything. This helps us ‘be there’ in the moment and if conversations ‘go south’, we do a post mortem if we want to, and see where we lost the plot. If ‘we’ didn’t lose the plot and the other person did, there was nothing we could have done about that anyway.
Truth-bomb right here: "Because stress isn’t what happens to us. It’s what happens when we protect our heart from what happens to us."
Returning to your breath is absolutely a powerful practice, helping us to center, respond rather than react, etc. So, too, however are all our lifestyle choices--ala Bronce Rice's Wellness Trifecta.
(I can attest that after powder skiing my brains out the last two days (intense physical activity, sunshine, friends, etc.) has me in a state of semi-euphoria, where kindness feels like the only option.)